Feels

I got way too many feels,way too much emotion. What this means is that I like white men and the reason is not because I’m prejudice but because my feelings are strong for them. This is a controversial subject because most people aren’t like me. I fell so hard for my boyfriend of a different race because it was my first relationship with someone different. If you date someone outside your race it might drive you crazy either that or you might fall hard so be pretty careful. I wasn’t careful. I fell in love with the wrong person.  And I didn’t even know what was real. It was like I was in a dream world. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in love but you should try it sometime. Because there will be times that you believe you could really fly.

I always think about you

I’m writing this about my family and how I know they wonder about me sometimes. My first name is Tenika and that’s exactly what God has done he has taken my family out of my life. They were my enemies yes but it also has to do with that sometimes when your a Christian you may lose your health. Then you will not have family. That is sad I know and it hasn’t happened to me yet but if it does I know I can say God saved me many times before from needles and a lot of heartache. I know and I always reflect on my life with my family cause God blessed them with me. My response is you should have treated me with kindness not just fear. It’s too late for my family they’ve hurt God in too many ways.

Smile

I have a very important mission to complete on this earth. And it has to do with my family and it has to do with unsaid things in other words secrets. It has to do with God and I do not care for the way my family has made a ridicule of themselves. There’s this song called Smile and it says I believe I can make you smile. That is my goal to see God win after how poorly he was treated by my so called family. Now I don’t know about you but I hate people who treat God bad. I only hope I can somehow let God know that he had me.

Bed of Lies

Me and my boyfriend well we were close but there is one thing I forgot to mention. He was a liar. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for months because he was interacting with other girls. I fell for him anyway. YOU WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE RUSH AND YOU WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE THRILL OF IT(he cheated on me and I let him) THEY SAY YOU DONT KNOW WHAT U GOT TILL ITS GONE(That’s me.  He missed me.) If he had only realized what he had. I JUST FIGURED I WAS SOMETHING YOU COULDNT REPLACE. ( That’s me my mission is to take out a female MONSTER)  A certain lady and her kids. Trust me you don’t want to end up like them. Tell me if you like this one!

 

Emergency Room

I titled this emergency room because it’s a place I know all too well. I remember telling my mom I needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. That’s when my battle and long journeys of going to the hospital began. My mother came to see me a lot and for a second I thought she may actually be sorry for kicking me out all the times she did but all the stress from having gone home to home had took its toll on me. My boyfriend had took his toll on me and the feeling that no one cared was there especially from my family they wouldn’t see me in the hospital. They wanted me to lose my life and they were the worst people in my life. I learned from all that and God separated me from them. I became stronger and I am grateful. My family made me a fighter believe it or not. So thanks!

IRWIN-DAD

My stepdads name is Irwin Morriss Thames. It really shocked me and took me by surprise that someone in my family had such a strong name referring to my mission in life. I needed that name in a way for my safety and well being. Irwin is my stepdad and I miss him dearly. He was for me. I thought he was so handsome and so black. I remember my first boyfriend meeting him for a brief second. Ironically he is the only person in my family I really miss. He was in the AirForce and I remember all of our happy memories when I was a youth. Life has changed drastically for all of us in my family but I hope they never forget when we were young because they need to remember Me. IRWIN this is for you Happy Mothers Day! I miss your smile I miss your face. No one can ever take your place.

Nowhere to Go

When I was young and seeing  my boyfriend my mother didn’t approve of it  and I hated her for that. I was in highschool and of course she couldn’t stop me cause I had my own mind and me and her never got along. She would kick me out and I would go from house to house and family member to family member. Tell me what kind of mother kicks her daughter out when she is in highschool? I should’ve known that these were signs that my mother didn’t care about me that I had to look to God for my care and let her go. Also  this was probably the only way because God wanted me to come to him. There were so many signs in my life that I should stand against my mother and so I’m not in her care anymore but I still remember all the lessons being dealt with her taught me. I mean what kind of a mother kicks out her daughter who she knows has believed in God all her life. There is one thing I also have to say. She got dealt me too a rebellious daughter.  All I have to say is Bye MOM!

Oh Na Na Whats my Name?

If you don’t know by now my full name is Tenika Cherion Jennings. Also known as Tenika C. Jennings. I have to tell you how I got that title. One of the things in my life that I can say about myself is that I never let God go. He’s been my best friend through childhood, through teenage years and through ups and downs. I love him. I don’t want to leave him. Another is my history. I have a history of mental illnes and have had to go to medical clinics and they stick needles in my veins to draw blood from me. If one of those doctors decide to give me the wrong needle I could potentially catch a disease. This has been going on for fifteen years of my life. I’ve took risks for God. So when I say and I will take you in my arms that is what I mean. A lot of these doctors have saved my life. I guess they’ll tell me all about it when they see me again.

Battle

This battle I fight it is not stronger than me I am the brave one.  To understand my book you have to understand me a little and just so you know I went through a tremendous battle in my life when I was  an young adult. I became mentally ill and it was horrible. A lot of it had to do with my relationship with a boy at the time. We were active and it sent me into a deep depression and also my mother got breast cancer. They say that mental illness is genetic. Someone in my family has it and isn’t coming forward. This disease is serious. It affects the way you think and act and you hear voices, you feel like your going crazy. There’s only one way I got better and that was God. No one else could do it. The doctors cared nothing about me and my mother knew that.  I never want to go back to hospital after hospital like I used to. I know one thing for certain is that it was then that God carried me. I was stronger than the battle.

Crazy Love

I wrote Crazy Love about being very into a person. But that’s only the surface of what it’s about. Everyone one knows what you do when you are truly in love. You’ll shoot the moon, put out the sun when you love someone. That was me when I was in love with my first boyfriend. White guy, real skinny and very intimate. In other words me and him were very intimate. My family watched all this, just observing and laughing knowing that I was too young for this. But God has a way of taking what people meant for your harm and using it for your good. I took the risk of getting sick, getting cheated. on. Everyone at school knew and now that I look back I know they knew what was going on. My teachers were very nice to me though. They stuck with me but my family didn’t.