I have a very important mission to complete on this earth. And it has to do with my family and it has to do with unsaid things in other words secrets. It has to do with God and I do not care for the way my family has made a ridicule of themselves. There’s this song called Smile and it says I believe I can make you smile. That is my goal to see God win after how poorly he was treated by my so called family. Now I don’t know about you but I hate people who treat God bad. I only hope I can somehow let God know that he had me.
Me and my boyfriend well we were close but there is one thing I forgot to mention. He was a liar. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for months because he was interacting with other girls. I fell for him anyway. YOU WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE RUSH AND YOU WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE THRILL OF IT(he cheated on me and I let him) THEY SAY YOU DONT KNOW WHAT U GOT TILL ITS GONE(That’s me. He missed me.) If he had only realized what he had. I JUST FIGURED I WAS SOMETHING YOU COULDNT REPLACE. ( That’s me my mission is to take out a female MONSTER) A certain lady and her kids. Trust me you don’t want to end up like them. Tell me if you like this one!
I titled this emergency room because it’s a place I know all too well. I remember telling my mom I needed to go to the hospital in the middle of the night. That’s when my battle and long journeys of going to the hospital began. My mother came to see me a lot and for a second I thought she may actually be sorry for kicking me out all the times she did but all the stress from having gone home to home had took its toll on me. My boyfriend had took his toll on me and the feeling that no one cared was there especially from my family they wouldn’t see me in the hospital. They wanted me to lose my life and they were the worst people in my life. I learned from all that and God separated me from them. I became stronger and I am grateful. My family made me a fighter believe it or not. So thanks!
If you don’t know by now my full name is Tenika Cherion Jennings. Also known as Tenika C. Jennings. I have to tell you how I got that title. One of the things in my life that I can say about myself is that I never let God go. He’s been my best friend through childhood, through teenage years and through ups and downs. I love him. I don’t want to leave him. Another is my history. I have a history of mental illnes and have had to go to medical clinics and they stick needles in my veins to draw blood from me. If one of those doctors decide to give me the wrong needle I could potentially catch a disease. This has been going on for fifteen years of my life. I’ve took risks for God. So when I say and I will take you in my arms that is what I mean. A lot of these doctors have saved my life. I guess they’ll tell me all about it when they see me again.
This battle I fight it is not stronger than me I am the brave one. To understand my book you have to understand me a little and just so you know I went through a tremendous battle in my life when I was an young adult. I became mentally ill and it was horrible. A lot of it had to do with my relationship with a boy at the time. We were active and it sent me into a deep depression and also my mother got breast cancer. They say that mental illness is genetic. Someone in my family has it and isn’t coming forward. This disease is serious. It affects the way you think and act and you hear voices, you feel like your going crazy. There’s only one way I got better and that was God. No one else could do it. The doctors cared nothing about me and my mother knew that. I never want to go back to hospital after hospital like I used to. I know one thing for certain is that it was then that God carried me. I was stronger than the battle.
I wrote Crazy Love about being very into a person. But that’s only the surface of what it’s about. Everyone one knows what you do when you are truly in love. You’ll shoot the moon, put out the sun when you love someone. That was me when I was in love with my first boyfriend. White guy, real skinny and very intimate. In other words me and him were very intimate. My family watched all this, just observing and laughing knowing that I was too young for this. But God has a way of taking what people meant for your harm and using it for your good. I took the risk of getting sick, getting cheated. on. Everyone at school knew and now that I look back I know they knew what was going on. My teachers were very nice to me though. They stuck with me but my family didn’t.
A lot of heartbreak came into my life because I like people who are not of the same race as me. I finally learned that it was jealousy from my family but I refuse to change because of them. That is why they are not in my life right now. My family got dealt with me because they were not for me. They were against me. I never met such horrible people as my family. They were my lesson. I still like and want that close relationship with someone who is well different from me. I guess it’s the intrigue. What you have to realize is that I can’t help it. That is just who I am. The funny thing is whenever I sell my book I am so afraid that people will get offended by Race but they don’t. No ones ever said a word about it. It’s as if they are saying that’s okay. I can’t help but smile at that.
Have you ever felt surrounded by your enemies and you had nowhere to turn. That is exactly how I felt with my family. They persecuted me then and they are persecuting me now. 1. My mother tried to throw her own daughters highschool diploma away. 2. They knew I was active with my boyfriend in highschool and wanted me to catch AIDS then didn’t visit me in the hospital. 3.They let my mother continue to kick me out in highschool and never talked to her or me about it. 4.My mother constantly changes my social security and address information on my credit report.5.They knew that I and somebody in my family was severely mentally ill and didn’t say a word about it. I am not here to do battle for god but to be used by god in his battles. If I catch my family coming my way again I will call the cops on them! These all are serious things they did to me and they better not come my way because we have a rocky history that I will let authorities know about. This is why I suffer from depression.
You stare at me. Look at me. Do you know who I am? This is all about older guys hitting on younger girls. I’m not saying I agree with it, but I also don’t disagree with it. The real point here is that this girl won’t date any man. I wrote this book for young adults so I was expressing in Stare how they feel. They don’t don’t want to date older guys but I also question whether they want someone who is meant for them. What if whoever you or I was meant for wasn’t exactly who you planned would you still want them? I don’t mean to be harsh but I’m not a fool at all. This means if you do date someone older than you in today’s society that could be a big mistake. It wouldn’t be worth all the heartache. The girl is not a fool. She’ll stick to the rules until she see’s past a stare.
I am the one called the fool. The girl with the journal is about a love story and how blind I was at the time this relationship happened. What I learned from this relationship is it’s hard trusting guys and even girls. This relationship made me strong in a lot of ways because I knew if I could get through almost losing my life to someone who would lie and cheat on me I knew I could face other hard situations in life. Use anything hard you’ve had to go through in life and apply it to your situation. You should know that nothing is almost as hard as catching hundreds of diseases and risking the chance of you never having a normal life. So maybe I’m exaggerating. The guy wasn’t that bad. But I am still the one who played the fool.